Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
