Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
no you cant smoke seaweed
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
