Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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