Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm too high and old for this...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
