so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
And then my night got REAL pukey
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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