I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
