I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
