oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Randomize
