guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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