I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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