It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
cat food counts as protein by the way
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
