The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
