hotel room ftw
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
