I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
