so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
