This is not my ceiling
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
