sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
