tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
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we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
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My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.