4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
hahahahaha turkey breast
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.