the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..