There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.