my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
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i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport