what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape