It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
