If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
