I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
