after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
