I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
