yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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