Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
