Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
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I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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