I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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