Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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