Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
