I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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