i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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