"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
