this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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