proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
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He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
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you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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