hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
