And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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