I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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