Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
