Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
There's always time for handjobs
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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