Can i not drive my cunt home
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
