ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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