I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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