I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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