I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
