dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
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your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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