I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
