There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
