I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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