Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
