And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
