47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
