i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
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I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
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You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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