He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
