they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
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