Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
