she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
