The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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