You made me cry and you don't even care
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
