Someone shit on the floor
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
