FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It's never too late to be topless.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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