I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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