Christians are straight up FREAKS
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
