I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Randomize
