chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
