sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
