thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I AM VODKA MAN
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
