my vag is so smooth its legendary
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
