I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
