Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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