she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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