just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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