I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
