you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
